Friday, September 19, 2008 ' 1:50 AM
i'm back!
it's been busy for me and i haven got time for myself at all.
and then i fell sickand now i'm on mc... and yes, thats when i have time for some me-time.
i know working life is like that, so i won't grumble much anymore...
sighs.
i hit the gym today, and i feel great!!!!!
(i feel good...... garfield's tune!)
hitting the threadmill, pumping those irons clear my mind and put my mind off everything else..
it feels good to be just exercising and passing some me-time, letting the brain rest for an hour.
these days, i've been thinking alot on my future, my career, what i want to do, what i really like and what are things i should try...
and then the list went on and on when i started thinking of things i should try.
and then slowly i strike them off and then new things just come up..
i might be thinking too much but, i guess this is what we do at this age.
neither are we mature adults nor teenagers anymore..
we are at this point where we face multiple crossroads don't we?
here i am, dedicating my time, love and energy to what i call my 'passion' but on the ither hand, i'm losing alot alot of things because of my passion, and i'm weighing the opportunity cost of me dedicating to my passion... sometimes i wonder, if i weren't in this line, and if i were a sales person, how my life would be?
i would earn more, much more than what i have now, and i would be always on the run, and not desk bound.. but will i be happy? i don't know.
what if i were a retail girl? i would be standing for long hrs, meeting all sorts of people and dealing with nasty customers... i would talk all day and no one would care, but i would get my commission, and still i will still earn much more than what i have now. but would i be happy? i don't know too..
if i were to join a bank as a financial planner, i would pester my friends to buy plans and make sure in time to come, everyone would be avoiding me, but i would earn much more wouldnt i? yes of cos, but would i be happy?? i still dont know.
what am i trying to say?
i'm trying to say that i'm so scared i lose passion in what i am doing... suddenly things turned mechanical and technical and it becomes a routine. things dont come right from the heart anymore, and i am not dedicating fully into what i am doing. it's become a job instead of a passion i used to think of it as. i'm so afraid i lose that touch and i don know how i can regain the touch with such busy schedules. everyday is soooo busy that at the end of the day, u forgot what u did earlier on and before u know anything, the day is over. this thing is daunting on me alot and because i feel that i'm losing this human touch, i'm pondering if i should take a little break from it and think through things. i don wan to be 'helping' and 'reaching' out like a 'robot'.
i dunno if anyone would know what i am saying, but i guess these are things and reflections that i have to go and sort it out myself.
all in all, i'm a confused lady who's standing at crossroads now.
anyway, i'm so missing so many people. sorry i haven got time to meet.
ezah!!! skype soon. i need to talk to u and i need ur support!!! :)
xia!! if we could meet soon, i'll be pouring so much to you. misses.
♥dedicated compassion and loves.
