i always thought i was strong,
i think i was wrong.
cos i realise how vulnerable i am now.
i always thought i smile alot,
i think i was wrong.
cos lately, tears come to me more often than anything else.
yes, i think i have to admit i AM vulnerable, i AM weak, i was just putting up a cheerful front?
maybe, i dunno..
i lost my sunshine smiles,
i cry more often than i eat,
for being impatient with myself,
for being frustrated with myself,
for being irritated with myself,
for being agitated with myself,
for being a troublemaker to others,
for being a burden to others,
for being a troublesome ulcer-ed, sored, swollen, painful faggot.

boohoo..
Human Development is difficult. i hope for a pass (:

first and foremost, congratulate me!!!
i've got myself a job at ttsh! yes yes, social work assistant. yes yes, my dream job, and yes yes, my passion. nothing makes me more happier now. (: says cheeseeeee!
(actually as i say cheese im tnking more of chocolates. hahaha!)

but well, i think i cannot eat chocolates for the time being. i'm seriously ill and sick with stupid ulcers, cores and swollen joints and what have i. i went to the doctor on sunday morning, cos i almost fainted in the toilet, and scared the hell outta my mum and sis, and my aunt had to come over to send me to the clinic, and then feeling totally in pain, doctor asked me to go to the polyclinic, which i went this morning to get a referral letter to sgh, and the appointment date is HAHAHA! 29thMAY! imagine im a dying being, and i will die by then lor? but i understand la, everyone is Q0ing to see a specialist. if im urgent i'd walk in a&e (:

i'm now a suspect case of auto immune disease carrier. no worries, it does not pass on, and it is only in me, and i'd be the one who suffers. and i went online to check out on what auto immune diseas is all about, it only happens in women. well, i dunno why but it does. and i have a positive ANA which means to say that my antibodies are higher than my body cells and my own immune system attacks my body. does that sounds complicated? yes, it does. cos the GP told me it's beyond what GPs can do, they can only give me painkillers. paranoid? of cos! as i searched more about it, i realised i'm having more symptoms on this auto immune disease named lupus. and how fantastic, i have almost all the symptoms suggested. oh, the polyclinic doctor told me it's suggestive, but it may not be so don't worry. how can i not worry? i hope i can lead my normal life without painkillers.
i will be fine, at least that's what i kept telling myself.

on a lighter note, i finished my interpersonal skills exam today, cheers! (: well, the killer paper is on wednesday, human development. but i guess, i might do a pass. haha... i have lovely classmates who are always helpful and encouraging.

i have fantastic lovely friends who care alot, making sure i don't take nuts, don't take gluten, which are things that aggravate my conditions. i love my friends. hahahaha. what a corny thing to say, but it's true, i love them all.

i miss some too. (:

nice pics. lovesssss. you&the donuts! (: hearts.

the interview went on well, i was glad for my performance, but i have to wait for the results, by next week. i hope it's going to be good news. haha (:
thank you people for all the support, i'm touched.
thanks ezah for ur long distance call, again! twice in a row, consecutively. we have a date this afternoon, so i'm parking my skype name there till u appear! (:

had donuts from donut factory with kee, niceeee (: pictures to be up later when i get from her. thank u u*zh for waiting soooo long for my interview. hee..

it's good friday, it's a public holiday, it's a nothing-to-do day where i slack. but i guess i will do some revision for human development, i hope the paper won't be too difficult.

next week is an exam oriented week. monday - interpersonal skills, tuesday - btt, wednesday - human development. hmmm, good luck my classmates!!! we will all do well, i'm sure of that (: hang on there my dearest!

im missing alot of people!

pictures taken at sentosa with the usual people (:


the group at vivo.


as usual.


darren lovesss to take candid shots like that. LOL.


nice. (:

been listening alot of schubert's, chopin's, bach's to try to fit into my musical. if anyone has any idea what livelier classical songs are available please let me know? thanks! (:

tmr is the interview. wish me luck. im hoping for the best.

i talked to ezah on the phone for about an hour this evening!!!
oh my god, talking to her just makes me miss her even moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. hahahaha! but it's okie, because i know we're looking on the same side of the moon, it's just that she gets to see the moon 3 hrs in advance. haha (:

i don't have much to update about my life, it's as stagnant as ever. thursday is an important day for me, a day that might be a milestone that will change my life. haha. i'm going for an interview at ttsh. i hope it gets through well. wish me luck (:

i'm in the midst of rushing an assignment for human development, i'm not optimistic that i can finish on time, but i'll try. (:

ulcers might have irritated me, but i think i'm slowly trying to accept the fact that they are just part of me. how sad to say this but, true enough, it comes to find me more often than anything else. roars.

all i wish for now, is money to drop from the sky. i'm a super broke and cashless being now. help.

fcuked up ulcers.
fcuked up sores.
fcuked up pains.
fcuked up!

but life goes on...

new skin, new song. everything new. i like...
the sudden feel to make the skin looks super simple, and brings out the kind of simplicity that makes me feel happy just looking at it. plain but lovely.
it's 12march already.. i've been counting down to this very day, but now that it's almost over, there's really nothing much to this date i kept counting down for... not back, yet. or i think so. when? i don't know.

a scriptwriter; a composer.

ezah, where are you? my personal nurse is away, far far away. NURSE, those auto immune shit is back, and those allergies are attacking! how i wish u were here man! u bet ur presence would have made a difference, ur naggings would have save some pains. hahaha! I hope u're doing fine there, i'm fine.. just that sometimes i wished u were here, so then i got someone to irritate and get irritated. u know, it's been raining elephants and donkeys here that's making me soooo damn sick of the weather, and yes u know i HATE rainy days.
'show me the meaning.. of being lonely.......' hahahaha! im missing u very much girl. we both hang on there, june (: loves.

lixia, i miss u too... where have u been?

and jenny..
and kailin...
and xian...
and lao da...
and zam..
and nan...
and many many more...

and you of cos..where the hell are you? don't disappear away from my life like that, sometimes i feel like my pillars of life are all gone.

i'm going badminton with kee and sam tmr. hope for some good game...
and i'm so hoping my ulcers go away NOW.

i'm in pain.
ulcers love me.
allergies love me.
fabulous.

and lately i made a new great friend. not exactly new new, but new in a way as i know more about him. same frequency. same thoughts. same feelings.
instant click. fantastic.
same experiences, same past experiences. same, almost everything.
birthday 3days apart, how awfully coincident to a point we want each other to shut up when it's a common point. hahaha! but still, we click that well, we thought we could be some long lost twins or something. haha!!
i guess sometimes fate plays a great part in us making friends.

watched leap years... nice story, i think. i was a drama mellow mama, i weeped. hahaha. and how true, it isn't the distance or the amount of time that mattered, it's the feelings... that matters most. 'i would wait forever if you would ever come....' nice.
i would change it to my version, 'i would wait forever, if my desired edward would ever come...'
hahahah! ezah, ya?

i've got a job already, finally. jan offered me to help her work on a musical, i have to start from scratch, i have to write scripts, select piano pieces, choose songs, write lyrics, work on the casts, posters, publicising. in short events + a little bit more excitement cos it's something i like to do, it's almost my forte. i like. flexi working hours, reasonable pay... although it may not be permanent, but in the mean time, it helps to kill slacking time (: at least it keeps me working, keeps me moving... and most importantly, i won't be broke...

i'm still waiting for NIE to reply.. please reply.... please.... i'm really really hoping i get this.

'i need to know.. what is wrong with me.. if only someone could tell me what is very wrong with the emotions, the feelings, the heart, the head.. it seems like the wiring has all gone wrong, and out of control.. i always thought i could be very well in control of myself, and i'm very well able to keep emotions in check, suddenly, emotions pass through me like an electric wave. just something slight, and suddenly, i find myself sitting here, thinking of you.'

let the pictures speak.

it's sad to suddenly realise there are so many people once so closed to you that u're now missing out so much of their life. it feels torn and it feels blue...
sometimes i just wonder how are they doing, and just sometimes i wonder how did things change so much?
the last time i talked to him, it's probably in december.... and it's march now, 3months just passed by like that.
i guess sometimes, some things, some people.. just drift apart, without any specific or particular reason...
i think that's what we mean by friends come and go..

made new friends all the time, kept some really old and good friends, but there are some who sift through the fingers, slipped away from the memory and life.

i can't believe human development is over. hmm, there's intensive interpersonal skills this coming week, i guess we are all gonna love it. thanks stacey for the umbrella, really. she gave me her umbrella, and ensured she wouldnt be under the rain, but i got to know she had to cross the road, under the rain! i'm kind touched, everyone is just so sacrificial!!! and i was sneezing and feeling really cold in class and anna offered me her jacket when she was obviously cold also, i think. i think it's warm enough by her actions that i don't need the jacket anymore. (:
i love this class, i love this degree, i love this decision i made, really.

went to the career fair, and then i was so sure of what i want. i went to the prison services booth and was so sure of everything i didn't need the officer to tell me anything, and anyway i took this degree with the mentality of going there, and they assured me that this degree is very recognised by the prison services, so i told them i checked the website before enrolling, and they seemed pleased, but well, i will have to finish my degree before i join, if not the entrance level is different. so i can wait. 3yrs is really nothing... haha

anyway i applied for nie, i want to try teaching, i like it but i don't know if im up to it. i think the application will take some time to process. in the mean time, i just have to... wait and hope for the best (:

intensive lessons for human development this week, two days have passed, and i found time flies whenever i'm in counselling class. everything is just so interesting, everything just captures me attention, and whenever i recall how i tell others i have short concentration span, which probably is true when i was doing what i don't fancy, doesnt apply here. i'm attentive almost 100% of the time, and i made sure i understand everything dr vicki was trying to put across. and i realised i participate so much more in these classes, then when i was in some business studies. i could relate alot into the modules, and i have every opinion, every viewpoints to share with the class, i think i speak up so much that no one in class doesnt know me. LOLS.
of cos everyone participates very actively in class, which makes me love the lesson even more. everyone in the class, is so helpful, so wanting to share, and everyone just keep sparing a thought for others, making me feel so touched.

quoting an example from today. we had a long day in class today, so intensive that food, titbits, coffee, tea, milo were ESSENTIALS to survive through the class. i prepared mamee noodles, kit kat, mentos sweets for everyone, thinking that the previous time everyone weren't prepared and we were all almost dozing off. so i bought a fair share for everyone...
when break time kicked in, EVERYONE HAD SOMETHING TO SHARE. hahah! it was like some pot luck or something.. i had titbits brought out for everyone to share, jac brought lots and lots of coffee thinking the whole class would surely need it.. stacey brought variety of tea, coffee and cereals, knowing that there are people like me who don take coffee, billy brought chocolates and mints.. all in all, the class ended up with having so much food to eat, there were laughters, there were so much sharing, so much talking, so much fun, not in cliques but as a whole class.
everyone were so concerned about me being 'lost' and bernard offered me a job which of cos i accepted immediately, of cos gotta wait till he finalise things and all... everyone were concerned about everyone.. not in the busybody way of cos, but the real kind of concern. anf let me say something that will impress everyone here.

ber: why do u have to smoke?
rad: hmm... a habit i cannot quit?
lan: hey!!! let's accept who she is, it's just a habit she cant kick, don judge her cos she smokes.
ber: no no no. i just wanted to understand why she started it, and not wanting to stop her. anyway, standing beside her now makes me at risk more. haha

everyone else beside were laughing at the conversation. ain't that fascinating??? no one judge another one, everyone just accepts who we are, what we are, and we DO NOT HAVE to put up ANY front. we just had to be as real as WE are.

videos were played and everyone shared opinions. everyone were just so real towards what they say, and even if there were opposition views, we take it as everyone just think differently and we have to be able to take others' viewpoints and digest it, and who knows someday others' thinkings may just be useful for us?

i don just learn what is written in the texts, really. i learn soooo much from my classmates.. who cares if most of them were at least a few years or a few decades older than me?! they five me the kind of perspective that peers of my age cannot give me. and what more? i think i fit in them so well, and we all blend so well, is the prove of something concrete... something so true, so real, it bypass the factors of age and gender. it's the common belief of humanity. (:

tmr class starts 9am. nites everyone.

joycie
friends and family make me complete.
anything with the sun and sea makes me happy
dark chocolates.sunflowers. dedicated unconditional love and care
"Yet doe I feare thy Nature, It is too full o' th' Milke of humane kindnesse."

Bachelor of social work (not an easy path but it will work out, 6/6 to go!)
Japan
Melbourne
Turkey
New Zealand
there's nothing i want more than world peace.

October 2006
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GR2
Jeerin.
Persis.
May.
Nelson.
yan darling.
Jenny darling.
xian darling.
xia darling.
ezah darling.
pauline.
ruey shan.
botak.
zhiyong.
eric khoo.
LohWC.
Gayathri.
Joyce Dearie.
Sister Qiz.
Sister Samantha.
Erika.
Jasmine.
Samantha.
Camen.
Belle.
Phionna.
CheryL.
Michi.
Stefanie.
Syaz.
Serve Cambodia
Serve Cambodia
Thong Kiat.
Jocelyn.
Dzul.
Kim.
JiSheng.

One More Day - Diamond Rio

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