Saturday, May 03, 2008 ' 10:31 PM
i'm suddenly feeling so sad that this year's may, it seems all so different. previously, may i would be always planning for my darlings' birthdays.. this year, ezah is away, nothing much to plan except to plan to skype the night away with her, and xian is forever busy, not sure even if we would celebrate for her...
xia, keep ur birthday free please? (: loves.
i guess that's what people say we move on in the chapters of our lives, we don always do the same old things every year. don't we? for one point in time, it seemed to me that everyone seems to have a new direction in life, something to look forward to, something they all love to do... and i found my firection too... and i was so proud of myself to have told everyone i've started to move in a whole new direction... a whole new life..
if u were to tell me those things i heard, i'd feel so much better, so much clearer..
now, it's so confusing, i always thought i am very clear about this whole thing, but now i know i am utterly wrong, i'm still so stuck inside it all.
i want to just walk away from this whole episode, but it seems to play again and again repetitively over and over, like it is never going to end. it's like i'm forever going to act in the show, myself. myself
until you appear all over again.. each time u come into my life, it seems like u were an intruder... u never fail to make me think of things so impossible, make me think of things so ridiculous that i've started thinking when i was 18. WHY?!!??!
i wanted so much to tell myself we are just best friends, and nothing more. i want to... just leave this whole episode. really. seriously.
i dunno how many people know or don know im trapped in this whole shit, i guess most people know, and heard it all, knew it all, got tired of what i've got to say, got sick of this whole thing, and im still the only one holding on relentlessly. i made it seem like i've so moved on.. i probably did for the past few months, and gave myself freaking many different choices. but it all ended me in square one.
he told me all the things i don wan to hear, and u never did wan to say those things that i didn't want to hear from him. this time, i'm determined to walk out of this thing, so i'm not going to let it affect me more than this post.
爱爱爱爱了几回
也明白其中滋味
付出的从来不会
等于收回
我却还在等待着谁能出现
**hey friends, i just needed somewhere to vent. to ventilate. i'm probably fine after i posted this thing. soooo... don think i'm emo-ing or something.. i'm always that cheerful one. (:
♥dedicated compassion and loves.
