Wednesday, October 11, 2006 ' 8:55 PM
alright, things changed again. this morning i was just so glad i'm feeling happier today. then jeerin told me about wad mum said. it's another explosion. why has it always gotta be like that? it's the money issue again. how i hate her with all these nonsense she creates in my life. i dunno, but i'm sorry, we just hate her. HATE. ive never used such strong word on anyone before. she's just a complete failure. sometimes, being philosophical, i would wonder, wad if i'm not joyce? would i be lisa? mary? sophie? wad if i am not their daughter? i'm just an orphan? wad if i'm just not her daughter? ya, and wad if i'm not ong jing ting joyce but ong cao dong or ong ting ting? oh well, i'm just so hoping she wasn't my mother. seriously, how much had she done for us? nothing! if people were to tell me she is my mother anyway, i have to respect.. she brought us up blah blah blah.. i dare to say with dignity n pride that i respect her as someone who is elder than me. but i won't respect her as a mother because she hasn't contributed a single bit to bringing us up. who did? daddy did! ever since he was gone, we became so poor!! we meaning me n mei mei.. while she is so rich to shop for branded stuffs, we are always worrying for our next meal! and whether our pocket has money! how ironical? not at all. we are just not being seen as daughters. ask me y we are still living with her? cos she wants our dad's cpf. y is she not killing us? obviously she doesnt want to go to jail, plus she wants to portray the fact that she is providing us with shelter n 'bringing' us up. like real. illusions~
sorry i always have to procrastinate about this. overall, my life is beautiful, deducting this amount of sorrows, life cold be perfect i foresee.
i just can't wait for 21 to come.
♥dedicated compassion and loves.
